


The Frame to My Picture (Painting)

by ladeedadaday



Category: Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Cuddling, Divorce, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Parental Death, Platonic Female/Male Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23191036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladeedadaday/pseuds/ladeedadaday
Summary: A bunch of Janis & Damian stories because they're awesome.
Relationships: Janis Sarkisian & Cady Heron & Damian Hubbard, Janis Sarkisian & Damian Hubbard, Regina George & Janis Sarkisian
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

“Ms. Norbury, I have a question about the math homework.” Ms. Norbury shut her laptop, turning to give Janis her full attention. “How do you convert this to polar form?” 

“When we know a point in Cartesian Coordinates (x,y) and we want it in Polar Coordinates (r, _ θ _ ) we solve a right triangle with two known sides.”  I didn’t look this up i swear  Janis nodded before returning to her seat. 

Today was Ms. Norbury’s day as “lunch monitor,” so during what would have been her break, she was watching rowdy teenagers roughhouse with each other. However, some shouting was what caught her attention. 

Hair was being pulled, a girl was being thrown onto the ground, a messenger bag was being stolen and shaken out and once Ms. Norbury saw pictures from Janis’s sketchbook being torn up, she knew what was going on.

Sure enough, once she got there, Janis was on the ground, bleeding and crying while a group of jocks surrounded her. One looked through her sketchbook occasionally tearing out sketches and throwing them on the ground. A few of them were yelling, but Ms. Nobury couldn’t exactly make out what they were saying because of the blood pumping in her ears. 

The Plastics stood, watching over the chaos, smirking. Ms. Norbury heard herself commanding the children to stop. She yanked the book from the boy’s hand and mentally promised herself that she would save the sketchbook because she could tell how important it was to Janis. 

Soon, the jocks backed off and Damian rushed to pick up Janis, presumably to carry her to the nurse’s office. Before he got her completely out of the cafeteria, Ms. Norbury made sure to return the sketchbook, and she knew that she would never forget the look on Janis’ face when she saw that her book was safe. 

Damian was speechless once they arrived in the nurse’s office. He hadn’t seen Janis cry quite this hard in a while. Her jacket had been torn and her back was bleeding, but both of those things could be fixed. Damian was okay at sewing and her back could be fixed with a simple bandage.

“Darling, how are you feeling?” She winced while sitting up. 

“I think they pulled out some of my hair.” She brought her shaking hand up to her head. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure they did.”    


“Aw, Janis, I’m so sorry.” He took her hands in his and squeezed. “I promise it’s going to be okay.” 

“They tore up my drawings.” She sniffled. “I didn’t do anything to them, Damian.”

He rubbed the back of her hands with his thumbs. “I know, sweetheart, I know. They’re just trying to make you care about what they think and they’re upset because you’re unapologetically you, and for some reason, that bothers them. It’s not your fault, I promise.” All he wanted was a good life for Janis and him. If he could, he’d run away with her to a cabin in the woods where she’d paint and he’d devote his life to his 2O cats. 

The rest of the time they spent together in the nurse’s office was spent in silence until Damian spoke up again. “Do you think you’re ready to walk yet?” 

“Yeah. Where are we going?”   
  
“Home. Let’s go home.” He let her climb onto his back. “Janis, don’t fall asleep.” 

“I won’t.” She clutched her sketchbook as Damian took many shaky steps with Janis bouncing up and down with each step he took. “When we get home, can we watch a movie?” 

“Of course.” Her chin bonked into the top of his head. “Ow, Jan.”

She laughed. “Sorry.” They didn't say much more after that. “Damian, my back feels sticky.“

“Gross, Janis.“ She pouted. “Kidding! You know how much I love you.“ He thought about it for a minute and said. “Actually, I don't think you´d be able to comprehend how much I love you.“

“You´re right, because you´re too illiterate to put it into words.“ He laughed. 

“No! I’m gonna do it by the end of the night, just to prove that I’m not illiterate!” The pair laughed. Janis knew Damian would stay true to his word. He always did. 

That night, they started their game of ‘I love you because.’ Damian’s answers were always really cheesy, and Janis’ were mostly sarcastic, although she had her sweet moments. 

“I don’t even know how to put it into words, I just love you so much.” 


	2. Chapter 2

“Damian?” He looked away from the movie. “I can’t go to your opening.” 

“What? Why?” Her face turned red even though she knew the question was coming. 

He didn’t hear her answer because she mumbled it into his neck. He just gave her a pointed look. “I have detention from five until nine tommorow for the shouting match. You know what’s messed up though? The other guys didn’t get in trouble  _ at all _ .” 

He rubbed her back, trying to comfort her, even though he knew she probably wouldn’t stop feeling bad for him. “The homophobic guys?” She nodded. “Aw, Janis. Thanks for being a gay queen though. But four hours for detention? What’re you gonna do?”

She shrugged. “I’m betting that there won’t be anyone there so I’ll probably sit by the door and draw and listen to try and hear some of your show.” Damian nodded. “I feel so bad. You finally got the lead and I have to miss your opening because I can’t control my temper.” 

“Oh, Jan… listen, you defended me and yourself and all the gays, and you’re amazing. It’s okay, there are five shows.” She sighed. “I really gotta go now, but I love you, and I’ll see you at school tomorrow. Love you!” He left with a wave and a grin.

It was hard for Janis to fall asleep. She dragged herself around all day, dreading five p.m. Last night she’d have to leave her after school art class early, without even having time to wash up. 

“Janis, hey,” Damian whispered to her, catching her attention while walking down the hallway. “I haven’t heard you breathe in a long time. Are you doing alright?” 

“Hmm? Wait, where are we?” It felt like she’d just woken up from a dreamless nap. 

“We’re in the hallway, going to French class. Do you wanna go to the nurse?” She shook her head. 

“No, let’s just go to Spanish…” He grabbed her hand.

“Janis, are you okay? You don’t even take Spanish.” She didn’t answer, so he picked her up and carried her to the nurse’s office. “Hello, um, I don’t know exactly what’s happening to her, but her eyes are glazing over, and she’s spacing out, and she’s forgetting things, and I’m really scared about her.” 

The nurse nodded. “Just put her down on a cot. Tell your teacher that she’s in here.” 

He placed her down on a bed and squeezed her hand before beginning to walk out of the office. “Damian, ‘m fine.” 

“Darling, you need to stay here and rest, alright?” She whined but he gave her a sorry look. “I’m sorry, Jan, I gotta go to class. I’ll see you soon, okay?” 

\---------

Janis twirled her pencil between her fingers. She had been right; There was no teacher watching her so she was basically free to do whatever she wanted. She tried to text Cady, but she was at a competition, and she had no other close friends.  _ I could text Regina… she and I made up, I guess. _

**artfreak:** hey regina

**Lioness:** What do you want?

**artfreak:** i’m in detention and i’m bored

**Lioness:** Why are you in detention? 

**artfreak:** i yelled at some guys who were being homophobic to me and damian 

**Lioness:** That’s awesome, did you win? 

**artfreak:** …yes 

**Lioness:** NICE JOB BBY!

**Lioness:** Sorry, that was weird, I’m just really excited. How much longer are you in detention for?

**artfreak:** about half an hour longer

**Lioness:** That sucks. :( Do you have a ride home?   
**artfreak:** nah but i’ll ask damian’s mom

**Lioness:** I’ll pick you up, I’m sure she doesn’t want to be bothered. 

**artfreak:** really? thank you

**Lioness:** Yeah, no problem, it’s the least I could do. 

She returned to her sketch of what she imagined Damian would look like onstage. He had been constantly posting pictures of himself in costume on Instagram during the week, she used them for reference. 

From the room, she could hear the auditorium erupt as the curtain call took place. She found herself sobbing by the end, the reality sinking in that she would never see Damian’s first performance as  _ the _ lead. 

“Janis!” She heard a faint yell. “Open the door!” Eyebrows furrowed, she opened the door. Her jaw dropped when she saw the whole cast outside holding signs. 

She could hardly comprehend all of the bright and colorful signs. “Thanks for defending the gays, space queen!” One read. In the middle, grinning, was Damian. She leapt forward and hugged him repeatedly thanking him. 

“You were so sad today. Before the show, we all made these. Oh, and your tickets to the rest of the shows are free.” She hugged him even harder. “Janis, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry!” 

“No, it’s not your fault!” Her stream of tears didn’t stop for a while after, just before she stepped into Regina’s car. 

“Are you crying?” Janis sniffled once before answering.

“I’m trying not to, so don’t tease.” 

The look on Regina’s face was one of genuine shock and sadness. “No, it’s okay! You really should let it out. Do you wanna talk?” Janis shook her head. “Do you want me to take you home?” She shook her head again. “Then can I take you to my house?” She nodded. 

**artfreak:** im going to regina’s house

**gamian:** okay be safe babe love you

**artfreak:** okay thanks love you too

They arrived at Regina’s house and Janis was greeted with a warm hug from Ms. George. “Hi, honey! I haven’t seen you in ages!” 

“Hi, Ms. George. It’s nice to see you.” 

“Mom, we’re going upstairs, Janis is tired.” She grabbed Janis’ arm and dragged her up the stairs. She tossed some clothes at her. “Here. I’m gonna go change.” 

“Um… okay. Just promise that you won’t ask me any questions.” Regina shrugged and stepped into the bathroom. Janis sighed before changing and then unrolling the sleeping bag she assumed was laid out for her. When Regina stepped out, she blushed at seeing Janis in  _ her  _ clothes. 

“Hey, wait, what are you doing?” 

“Trying to be comfortable.” She said, tucking herself into the sleeping bag. 

“No, you’re sleeping in the bed.” Janis shook her head and Regina cocked an eyebrow. “I’m not fighting with you about this. Get on the bed.” 

Janis laughed. “Geez, at least buy me dinner first.” Regina shook her head and decided to take action. She pulled the bag off of Janis’ legs, immediately noticing the thin white lines scattered across them. She tried to ignore them, but Janis flinched as soon as Regina touched her legs to pick her up. 

Regina gently placed Janis on the bed. “Can we talk about this?” 

“I’m sorry.” She whimpered. “I tried so hard not to, but it was too much. Everything hurts so much and I can hardly stop thinking but it’s scary when I finally do. I don’t know how to cope.” Regina didn’t really know how to comfort her so she wrapped herself around Janis. 

“We can get you help, you know. You can talk to a therapist, you can talk to me or Damian, you can get meds, we’re going to help you somehow.” It just about broke her heart when Janis broke down into sobs in her arms. All she could think to do was kiss her hair. “I know. It’s gonna be hard for a while, and I think you know that, but I promise it’s going to get better.” 

Only a few months ago, Janis would rather die than sleep with Regina (not  _ sleep with  _ Regina, but sleep in the same bed,) but now she was willingly cuddling with Regina, even letting her spoon her. 

However, she still had enough pride to never admit that it felt nice. 


	3. Chapter 3

“Damian! Hi! Happy birthday!” She jumped up from her chair and hugged him before turning to the nurse. “How long do we have?” 

“You’ve got two hours.” She was grinning. They hadn’t seen each other face to face in quite a while.

“I missed you so much.” Damian said, flopping down in one of the chairs in her room. “School’s so boring without you.” She grabbed her hand, sitting in the chair next to him. 

“I’ll be back next year, I promise. Oh! I have something to show you!” She grabbed the canvas that was facing the wall and handed it to Damian. 

His jaw dropped to the floor. “Janis! This is amazing!” It was a colorful picture of them sitting in Janis’ garage watching movies. She shrugged. 

“I got your nose wrong.” He laughed, enjoying the comfortable silence. “So, how’s life at North Shore? Any less horrible than usual?” 

“Nah. It’s all kind of dull. I’ve been helping out some girls that are being targeted by Regina. I figure it’s all I can really do to help out.” She smiled. 

“Okay, I appreciate that. Damian, you gotta make a birthday wish! I don’t have any candles ‘cause I can’t go near flames but you can pretend.” He closed his eyes and pretended like there was a cake in front of him. He focused on his wish and blew out the imaginary candles. 

“Janis, are these the candles that don’t blow out? That’s not funny!” She erupted with laughter.

“No, it’s just your weak lungs.” They laughed for about two minutes before running out of air. “What did you wish for?” 

“You’d kill me if I told you. Plus, it wouldn’t come true, and honestly I need it to come true.” He said, stating the rules of wishes, which really should’ve been common knowledge to her at this point. 

She sat with her arms crossed, studying his face. Damian noticed that this was something she usually did with new people, but now he assumed she was doing it to read his expression. “It's about me, isn’t it?” 

“You’re a psychic, Janis Sarkisian.” 

“A telepath, actually.” He smiled, rolling his eyes. Janis was known to be a huge nerd (geek?) when it came to supernatural things. “Do you wanna play cards?” 

“Sure, what game?” Which led to a long debate about what game they should play, and then which games were superior, and then which made the most sense, and once they finished their first round of go fish (Janis won, but she had a suspicion that Damian let her win,) the nurse came in to tell Damian it was time for him to go home. “Alright… bye Janis,” He gave her a bone crushing hug. “Don’t forget meeee!” He said, dramatically. 

“You’re such a dork. I’ll see you next week. Love you!”

“I love you, too.” And he disappeared. 

It’s gonna be a long week. 


	4. Chapter 4

_ “I’m going to kill you, Janis.”  _

_ “You’re such an idiot.”  _

_ “Why are you still alive? Just kill yourself already.” _

_ “Ew, get out! You’re not allowed in the girl’s bathroom!”  _

_ “Janis, I can’t believe I ever loved you.”  _

_ The heads of her friends and the Plastics circled her, eventually morphing into monsters which started attacking her, but Damian never came to help her like he normally did, this time, he was one of the monsters.  _

“Stop! Let go of me! Stop, it hurts!” Damian had woken up a while ago to Janis whimpering. He figured he’d just hold her and she’d calm down, but when she started thrashing, he decided it would be best to wake her up. 

“Janis, darling, wake up, it’s only a dream. You’re safe, I promise.” She curled into him, shaking, as soon as she realized where she was. “Hey, I’m here, alright? I’ll never leave you, you’re safe.”

It was a while before either of them spoke again. “Normally you’re helping me in my nightmares, but this time you turned into a monster and nobody helped me and I didn’t know what to do. They’re getting so bad again, like, what do I do?” 

“I don’t know, darling. I think we need to talk to someone, because your mental health is getting really bad, and we can’t deal with it alone anymore. Would you please see someone? I’m getting really worried about you.” Janis didn’t say anything in response, but Damian trusted her enough to know that she probably would do just as he asked, because she knew that he was almost always right about that sort of stuff. 

“I’m scared and I don’t like it. I ran out of my anxiety stuff. What time is it?” 

She mumbled, yawning after her statement. 

“It’s five.” He rolled over to look at the clock. He felt the weight on the other side of the bed shift. “Why are you getting up?” 

“I have to get ready.” She groaned, opening her closet. “Man, I can’t believe I spent so long in here. It’s so tiny.” She fell silent until Damian heard the shower turn on. 

“The door better be shut, Sarkisian!” 

“Whoops. Keep your eyes shut, Hubbard!”

_ She’s gonna be just fine.  _


	5. Chapter 5

Hanging out with the entire squad was always a little risky for Janis. Being around too many people overwhelmed her, and it used to be so bad that she could only be with one person at a time, and that person was usually Damian. 

She used to freak out when people touched her, but now she was one of the most cuddly people on the planet. Damian had realized that she wasn’t ever told it was okay to be touchy and comfortable with your best friend. 

Overall, Janis felt incredibly lucky to have been gifted Damian. They both knew they were soulmates. (PLATONIC ONES, they both would yell.) She felt grateful to have someone in her life who constantly understood her. She felt grateful to have someone she knew she could always talk to and could trust to keep secrets. She knew she didn’t deserve him. 

Damian felt differently. Janis deserved the best life she could possibly have, and if he was able to help her along the way, he was absolutely going to do so. He helped her come out of her shell, he helped her get comfortable with physical contact, and he helped her with her mental health, but he didn’t understand why she felt like she didn’t deserve him. 

This was something that he’d argue about until the end of time. She had helped him, too. Even if she wasn’t as open, she was still great at helping him when he had attacks, or when his dad left, or when he got in a fight with Shane Oman. Whenever he was having a bad day, she’d always be there to cheer him up, or stay with him until he fell asleep and woke up feeling better. She was there the time he got a third degree burn at his failed cooking attempt and she was there when he couldn’t fall asleep. She stayed up all night talking to him and making sure he stayed okay. She was always there. 

He had noticed that she was used to doing things for everybody since the day he first met her. She was the old Gretchen, so he always made sure she knew that she didn’t  _ have  _ to do anything. She insisted that she wanted to do it, especially since he was the only one that was actually nice to her. When she took up art, he made sure to support her from the start because it was something she actually seemed to enjoy. Whenever she said she needed to paint something, he’d flood their chat with images for inspiration, or he’d end up sending a selfie and she would paint him instead. 

So now that they were incredibly close, Janis was starting to suspect that they were mentally linked, especially when they started finishing each other’s sentences. 

“Excuse me? Honey Nut Cheerios are the superior cereal, no argument.” They said, completely in unison. Janis lifted her head from Damian’s shoulder to look at him. “Weird.” They said, again in unison. Now they couldn’t help but laugh.

“That’s crazy.” Cady laughed. 

“Are you guys linked or something?” Regina asked, bewildered. Janis shrugged. “That’s so weird.” 


	6. Stars... She would've loved them (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janis dies and Damian's upset. (TW: suicide)  
> I promise this isn't all sad.

Janis had been dead for almost a month. Today would’ve been her birthday. Her birthday was one of Damian’s favorite days because he knew he’d be able to make Janis smile, but now she was gone, and he’d never make faces that she would smile at ever again. He’d never tell a joke that she’d laugh at with him until they couldn’t breathe. That was the hardest part. Never hearing her laugh again. Sure, he had videos of them together but it wouldn't ever be the same. 

It was hard for Damian to go to school. Every single morning he was reminded of her in homeroom when he saw the empty seat in front of him which Janis was normally in, drawing or making sarcastic quips to whatever news he delivered. He teared up or cried every time he saw one of Janis’s paintings hung up around the art room. Her locker was obviously still there, it hadn’t been emptied, and there were still insults scratched in, which he hoped would eventually be painted over.

Worst of all, he felt more alone than he ever had. It was weird to watch movies without Janis by his side. It was weird to be by himself at lunch or when studying. There was just so much emptiness. 

Over the years of their friendship his room had become sort of a gallery of Janis’s work and it had been a hard choice to figure out what to do with everything she’d made him. He decided to keep a few in his room because it was comforting to know that there would always be a piece of her with him. A bunch of her paintings were put in the attic so someday he could look through them again and hopefully put them down in his room as they used to be. 

The note she had slipped in his locker the day she was admitted to the hospital where she later died was buried in the drawer in his nightstand. He read it over and over the day she gave it to him, but was now too afraid to read it again. 

Today would be her birthday and he was going to visit her grave. It didn’t sound right when he thought about it. _Janis’s grave._ The first time he had seen it, he laughed, then cried, then laughed again, then felt bad for laughing. Engraved in her tombstone was: _Are you happy now, Regina?_ And then in smaller print: _Kidding, there’s no way you’re here. I love you, Mom & Cady & Damian. _

Today when he saw it, the sky was dark and the stars were beautiful. His mom gave him some space and he sat in front of her grave, running his fingers over the grooves in the words. _Janis Heidi Sarkisian, beloved artist, girlfriend, daughter, and (platonic) soulmate. November 6th, 2001 - October 3rd, 2019._

“I miss you, JanJan. I wish you could see these stars, they're so beautiful, you would’ve loved them.” He looked back down at the flowers placed at the bottom of the tombstone. Purely out of curiosity, he opened the card. _I’m so sorry, Janis. I feel horrible that I never apologized to you, and I made you think that I wouldn’t even visit your grave. I loved you, you know. I guess you’ll never know, but I did, and that’s why I did it. I’m sorry. Much love, Regina. <3 _“Wow.” 

“I know! Crazy right?” Damian almost got whiplash from how quickly he turned his head around. A transparent Janis was sitting behind him. “Oh, hi. I’m a ghost now.” She was smiling. 

“Are you real or are you just in my head?” She furrowed her eyebrows and then started floating over to his mother, who shrieked. “Mom, it’s fine, you’re not crazy! I can see her, too!” She brushed her arm through his shoulder, sending chills down his spine. “Jan, stop, that’s cold.” 

Janis smiled mischievously. “Just proving I’m real. I’ve been so bored.” He gave her a stern look.

“Jan, darling, have you seen anyone else?” She shook her head. 

“I haven’t talked to anyone, though I spooked Regina.” Janis laughed and Damian joined her. 

“I missed your laugh so much.” He almost started crying in relief. “I missed you.” 

“Don’t get all sappy on me now. I’m here, okay? I’m here for eternity. That’s kinda scary.” She stopped herself before she leaned into him like she would normally doing. 

He smiled down at her with tears in his eyes, and his mom spoke up. “Janis, would you like to stay with us?” 

She nodded, eagerly. “Can I?” 

“Of course! I don’t assume you can eat, but if you can, I’d be happy to cook for you!” 

“Thank you, Mama Hubbard. I’d hug you, but it’s cold enough out here.” The two women smiled at each other. “Do you think I should call my mom?” The Hubbards both nodded. “Oh shoot, I can’t touch anything.” 

“I’ll hold the phone for you. Let’s go!” Damian said. Janis began floating again, following them to their car. “Don’t be offended, but I put some of your paintings in the attic.”

“No, I get it. By the way, is it true that Mr. Duvall made an announcement about my death?” Damian nodded. 

“Yeah.” He sighed. “'We are sorry to hear about the loss of one of Northshore's most talented students, Ms. Janis Sarkisian. She passed on October 3rd in the hospital after slitting her wrists.'" He quoted Mr. Duvall's announcement. "I freaked out and Ms. Norbury calmed me down.” 

Janis looked down at her lap solemnly. “I’m really sorry, dude. I couldn’t handle it. I love you, I hope you know that, and I know I really hurt you, but it was too much. I really wish I could hold your hand and cuddle with you like we used to.” 

“We’ll have to adapt. Wanna watch a movie after we call your mom?” She nodded, happily. “Which one?”

“Honestly, I don’t even care, I’m just so glad I’m with you again.” Damian’s mom looked over her shoulder at them sitting as close as they possibly could without freezing Damian. “I missed my other half.” 

“I’ve been so lonely without you. You really do mean everything to me. I love you, bean.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “You told me not to be sappy! You brought your fate upon yourself!” Her eyes narrowed and without breaking eye contact, she started to float out of the top of the car. “Janis, no!” She plopped back down. “I’ve been without you for too long, I can’t bear a second more without you.” He leaned his head back into the window dramatically. 

“We’re almost home, kids.” Ms. Hubbard turned around and informed them as they began the drive up the street. 

As soon as they crossed through the front door, Janis's senses were flooded with the familiar sights and smells of Damian's house. The candle Janis made Ms. Hubbard in a class sat on a coffee table, still burning, and the painting of the Sarkisians and the Hubbards at Christmas hung in the hallway.

Damian pressed a few buttons on the phone and held it up to Janis's ear. When she finally answered, Janis greeted her with an enthusiastic, "Hey, mom!"

"Damian Hubbard, what are you doing?"

"Mom! It's me!" The other line was silent. "It's Janis!"

"That's not possible, she died. I _watched_ her die." So Damian decided to turn on the video call setting. "What? Janis?" 

She grinned. "Hi, mom." The expression on her mother's face was one she'd never forget. 

"Janis, you're alive?" She shook her head. "Are you a ghost or something?"

"Yeah, I'm a ghost. At least I think. Who knows? I could be a spirit." Janis laughed before adding, "Just so you know, I'm here to haunt you all, and I also met Satan, and let me tell you, he doesn't even hold a candle to Regina George." Her mother laughed at that. "No, actually! I met him. Apparently I'm not going to Hell, I'm supposed to stay here as a ghost. So that'll be fun for about four billion years, quite literally." 

"I can't believe this is actually happening. Where are you?" 

"I'm at Damian's house." She heard the jingling of keys and soon the mother and daughter were reunited once more.


	7. A List

“Damian, I wanna do something and you have to accept it.” She said, lying in her bed face first. 

He put the bookmark in the book he was reading and turned to look at her. “What are you gonna do?” 

She looked him directly in the eyes and said, “I wanna get better and I wanna be a better person, because if this past year has shown me anything, it’s that I need to change.” It took Damian a while to process this. “You look so surprised. Am I really that fucked up?” 

“You’re not, I promise, it’s just… you’re not normally this upfront about your feelings and stuff like that.” Janis nodded, playing with her rings.

“I wanna be better. I can’t stand being such a bitch all the time.” He wrapped his arms around her with no other way to comfort her. “I’M GONNA MAKE A LIST!” She yelled, abruptly jumping out of his embrace to search her room for paper and a pen.

She found a scrap piece of paper and crayon. Immediately, she started scribbling down in her unfairly beautiful handwriting. 

  1. Stop making fun of everyone, even the Plastics.
  2. Try to not get into physical fights. 
  3. Compliment someone everyday (can’t be Damian)
  4. Self care, I’m “important” too.
  5. Apologize to _every_ one.
  6. Help more people.



She held it out to Damian and he read through it. “What do you think?” 

“It’s really good that you’re trying to be better, Jan. And you’re every important, alright?” She took the list back and slammed it into the wall with a thumbtack. “I’m proud of you.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, shut up. It’s not a big deal.” He pouted, squinting his eyes at her. “But thanks, babe.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of self-harm and lots of talking about mental health.

On one of their movie nights Damian started to notice Janis was getting bad again. Every time she tripped over her words or made the slightest mistake, she'd pinch her thigh and mumble something like, _"God, I'm such a fucking idiot."_

It was later when Damian decided to bring it up once her breathing was fast and heavy. They were cuddled up against each other and he could feel her chest rising faster and faster. "Jan, look at me." She turned her head and he took in her reddened face and tears in her eyes. "What's wrong, babe?" 

"I hate myself and I kinda really wanna cut right now." He nodded, stroking fingers through her hair. "I'm goddamn angry at myself. I'm fuckin' _worthless_ , Dam." 

"I know I can't stop those thoughts, or convince you that they're wrong, but I promise that if you were really worthless, you wouldn't have won your art shows, and people wouldn't spend time with you, and Caddy wouldn't have fallen in love with you." She sniffled. "Do you have something you need to give me?" Janis nodded compliantly. She reached into the pocket of the jacket which she had been working on yesterday, and pulled out a pocket knife and a lighter. "I thought you quit smoking, darling." 

She revealed a nasty looking burn on her upper forearm. "I did." He hummed sadly, finally grasping what she kept the lighter for. "I'm sorry for dropping all of this on you. These are my issues, not yours."

"Oh, JanJan, we're soulmates. You don't have to apologize for having feelings, or for talking to me, or for not being okay!" He blinked back a few tears. "Oh, you're gonna make me cry!" 

She groaned. "Stop being sappy, I wanna finish the movie." They were watching The Exorcist again, one of Janis's favorite movies. ("It keeps getting funnier every time I see it!" She would yell.) 

After the movie had finished, Janis seemed to be in a better mood than before, mostly due to Damian cracking jokes through the rest of the movie. The screen was dark and they weren't planning on moving anytime soon. Janis was staring ahead at the blank screen but Damian looked down at her, smiling. "You don't deserve any of this horrible shit you're being put through. I wish I could keep you safe from everything in a cabin in the woods, and I know that's not how it works, but seeing you like this really hurts, Jan." She leaned closer into him, silently trying to comfort him. "And it's so unfair. This shouldn't have happened to you. They shouldn't have done that." 

"It doesn't matter!" Janis yelled, leaving Damian in shock. Her voice shrunk back down to barely a whisper. "It's too late, they already did it. I'm already broken. I'm already the space dyke. I've already tried to... whatever. It's done. And I'm sorry for yelling." 

He brought his hands up to her head and began to loosely braid her hair. "Don't apologize, dearest, I was just shocked, not angry at you." He kissed her temple, finishing up the braid, letting it fall. 

"I love you." 

"I love you, too." 


	9. Chapter 9

The first time Damian carried Janis was when she fell asleep on the couch. He refused to let her risk hurting her back or neck, so he carried her upstairs and was pretty shocked and disappointed at how easy she was to pick up. She really shouldn’t be  _ this _ light.

He almost wanted to wake her up and ask if she was okay, but he decided it was better to let her sleep. 

Once Janis finally woke up, Damian was still there, combing his fingers through her hair. “Oh, hi. Why are you still up, you dork?” 

He got straight to the point. “Jan, I’ve got a question and I need you to promise that you’ll answer me honestly.” 

“Sure, what’s up?” He looked incredibly uncomfortable, which worried her. 

“Why are you so light?” She looked down, desperately avoiding eye contact. “It isn’t what I think it is, right?” He took her silence as a yes. “Oh, Janis… c’mere.” He pulled her into his lap, almost afraid he’d lose her if he let go. 

“I wanna get better but it’s so hard. I’ve hardly eaten in the past week.” She admitted. “And I know it isn’t okay, but it’s hard to just stop.” 

He closed his eyes. “We’re gonna get you some help. I promise you’ll get better.” 

“Don’t try to promise me a happy ending.” She said, bitterly. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts off fluffy and then it gets dark.   
> TW: Mentions of r*pe

“Janis, please?” Damian begged at the foot of her bed. She rolled her eyes laughing. “Please sing with me?”

“No! I can’t sing!” He put his hands on his hips. “I’ll play guitar for you, but I won’t sing.” Damian sighed dramatically before flopping onto the bed, his head landing next to Janis’s fishnet covered thigh. “Maybe I’ll sing a little. Depends on the song.” He sat up, leaning on her shoulder. “Move! I won’t be able to play anything if you’re lying right where my guitar should be!” He scooted away from her and she smiled to make sure he knew she was just teasing and wasn’t actually mad. “Okay, what am I playing?” 

He hummed, thinking. “Something from Kinky Boots?” She smiled, and he laughed as he heard the opening chord to ‘Hold you in my heart.’ Damian sang most of it by himself, but by the end, Janis had joined in quietly. “Thanks, darling. We can watch one of your gorey movies now if you want.”

“No, thanks. Let’s watch Harry Potter or something.” Damian smiled as she put her guitar back in the sleek black case and dragged him down the stairs. “I love you, dude.” 

“I love you, too, darling.” He wrapped his arm around her and let her snuggle into him and the title screen played. “Are you really upset that I made you sing with me?”

She looked up at him in horror. “No, of course not! I was teasing! I don’t think I’m even capable of being upset with you.” She added. He kissed the top of her head, rubbing his fingers over her arms. “I’m really proud of you.” He whispered, occasionally feeling the elevated skin on her arms. Damian was the only person who Janis trusted enough to see her without her jacket. “You’re doing so good and you’re nine months clean and  _ wow _ .”

“Can we not talk about this right now, please?” He nodded, smiling. ”It still hurts.” He removed his fingers from her arm and instead brought them to her back. 

“That feels nice.” She sighed. It was in moments like this that Damian would always think about how strong Janis really was. She had been through way too much for a seventeen year old girl, or for anyone, really. And somehow, even though she should hate absolutely everyone who treated her badly, she still treated them with respect and kindness. She had every reason to want them all dead, but she still wished the best for everyone. Sure, she would say nasty things, but when it came down to it, she’d still run into a burning building to save them. 

“You’re awesome, Janis.” He looked over at her and found that she was already asleep. “Oh, her neck’s gonna kill her if I don’t move her.” He thought out loud and pulled her body over his lap, propping up her neck with some pillows. “Sleep well, darling. I love you.” 

She woke up, shouting and crying. “Damian…” She grabbed his shirt, desperate to feel safe again.

He woke up, too. “Janis, what’s wrong, hey, are you okay?” Her screaming was growing quieter, and her breathing returned to normal. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here, I won’t leave you.” Janis squeezed his hand until he was actually concerned she might break it. “Don’t worry, darling, it was just a dream.” 

“No it wasn’t.” She choked out, shaking. “I lived through it.” 

He nodded, rubbing her hand. “You wanna tell me what happened in your dream?” 

“Shane O-Oman.” She wailed, burying her face in his chest. Janis hadn’t ever told him anything about Shane Oman before. I mean sure, he’s shoved her before, but that didn’t normally cause nightmares. “He r-- I can’t say it.” 

Damian was pretty sure he felt his heart break. “I know, and you don’t have to. You don’t have to answer me, but can I ask you some questions?” A nod. “Was it recently?” Nod. “Did he seek you out?” Nod. “Did you say no?” Nod. “Do you think you wanna tell the police?” Not a nod, but not a shake either. “Maybe?” Nod. “Okay. I’m gonna stay with you tonight.” She curled herself into him. “Goodnight, dearest.” 

“Night, Damian.”


	11. I'M BEING NICE JANIS WHY ARE YOU CRYING

At their first sleepover, the day school got out for Damian in eighth grade, Janis cried. They were just on the couch, cuddling while Damian called her pet names, trying to get her to fall asleep. Then he felt a cold, wet spot on his shoulder. “Janis? Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine. I don’t know why I’m crying.” She cried. He noticed she was heavily leaning into his touch. 

He hummed. “Jan… it’s been a while since you’ve been held like this, hasn’t it?” She nodded. 

“I’ve never… Nobody’s ever been so nice to me. Not like you. No one’s ever called me pet names like you do.” Janis choked out, hanging onto him like she was afraid of falling.

“Are you just overwhelmed, then?” She mumbled into his shoulder. “Oh, Janis… You’re probably touch starved, hon. You lost out on having a lot of affection when you were young and now this little bit of love overwhelms you.” 

“Is that bad? Is there something wrong with me?” He brought his hand up to stroke through her hair. 

“Nothing’s wrong with you." She sniffled one last time and more comfortably leaned into his side. "I'm gonna get you used to being loved, but it might make you cry a little more, cause I’m gonna show you that I really do love you with everything I am because you need it and you deserve it. Is that okay with you?” He took her tight squeeze on his hand as a yes. “Now try and get some sleep. Night, Janis. I love you.” 

—————

“Okay, you’re down for movie night on Friday, right, Caddy?” Before Cady could even answer, Janis jumped in again. “Is it okay if I call you Caddy? I just realized I never asked if it was okay, I’m sorry, I just—.”

“Janis.” Cady’s voice was merely a whisper, but Janis still stopped. “It’s okay.” 

She nodded, and leaned into Damian for some comfort. “I’m sorry. I can’t help that sometimes.” 

“It’s fine,” Cady’s chipper voice responded. “I think it’s kinda cute.” Cady didn’t even notice how much Janis was blushing. “Who’s house are we watching movies at?”

”Mine.” Janis said. “I basically live in the garage because it’s cozy and I’m normally up ‘til three painting anyways.” 

“Janis! You lied to me!” She looked up at him, and then at Cady. 

She would normally argue, but instead, “I’m sorry, Damian... I’ll try to sleep earlier from now on.”

“Thank you, love.”

“Are you sure you guys aren’t dating?” Janis outright laughed at that. 

“No, we’re not. We’re _gayyy._ ” Damian drew out the last word, leaning down to kiss Janis’ forehead. “Although we’d totally date if we were both straight.”

“And if neither of us are married by the time were 35, we’re getting married for tax benefits.” Janis added. Cady smiled at the pair. “Also, I love this guy. He’s pretty much the reason I’m still alive so that’s nice. Anyways, I have art and I’m never late to art, so I should go.” Damian smiled as the sound of the tall girl’s boots echoed through the hallways. Everyone always knew she was coming and sometimes she liked that. 

“She’s an awkward, anxiety-ridden, outspoken bean and I love her to death.” 


End file.
